Chris Strickland's Washington Nationals fan blog

Being a baller, I tend to play basketball a lot. The other day I was balling, and some other ballers challenged me and my baller bros to a game of full-court. FULL COURT. I suck at full court.

I can't dribble, so full-court makes me look like an even shitter dribbler. One of my favorite dribbling techniques is to get a rebound, then take a few steps and crouch down, protecting the ball. I'll try to pass it to a teammate, then it'll get stolen. That's how I work.

One of the things I've noticed about street-balling is that there are two kinds of defense: physical and voice. "Physical D" is obvious: that's you actually playing defense. "Voice D" is when you're too tired to get to the basket, so you scream something random at your man when he's trying to score.

Continue reading "Street Ballin'"

10) They were spotted in Kobe's escalade at an 'N and Out drive-through. And yes, they both got "animal style."

9) When on road trips in Denver, Kobe's got Artest covered for booty calls.

8) Kobe's beer preference is bottles - meaning, he'll never pour anything in a plastic cup.

7) Kobe & LeBron's Nike "puppet campaign" is being replaced by "Kobe and Ron," a new puppet ad-series. However, Nike's yielding to "Crank Yankers" for the directing of this one.

6) Like Kobe, Artest is practically another Dobermamba on defense. Only difference is, Artest may bite.

5) As a peace offering, Artest bought fellow teammate and candy-lover, Lamar Odom, a year's supply of Cookies 'n Cream.

4) Finally, Kobe has a legit MC to battle Shaq with.

Continue reading "Top 10 Reasons Kobe and Artest will work out"

These days, going to a baseball game isn't what it used to be. Seldom will a pitcher throw into the 7th inning; the score is usually 7-6 or 10-9; and your favorite slugger is likely to hit one, if not two balls, out of the park. The game is shamelessly jacked up on HGH, and its obvious. The best hitter (Bonds) and pitcher (Clemens) of our generation used it, and more players are getting busted by the day (A-Rod, Manny). However, most fans don't care. They still go to the ballpark. That's because baseball, and pro sports in general, is merely another form of entertainment.

It's like seeing your favorite comedian perform stoned. You know he's on something, but you look past it, eagerly waiting for that one hilarious joke that'll make the bumbling and stumbling worthwhile. I saw Darryl Hammond do stand-up in New York some years ago, and although he was tanked (I'm talking, TANKED. He could barely walk up to the stage.), he still did a spot-on Bill Clinton impression. It's the same with sports - even if fans didn't approve of Bonds' off-the-field behavior, they still got out of their seats when he took one deep. The bottom line is, America just wants to be entertained.

Continue reading "Rampant Steroid Use Brings Up Issue of Morality in Baseball"

Or is it dilemmi? Either way.

As the entire NBA world eagerly awaits the potential match-up of Kobe and LeBron in this year's finals, they also can't help observe it's getting increasingly difficult for them to get there. The Magic and Nuggets are hitting their strides at the right time, with bench players stepping up at crucial moments, Van Panic and Karl making good coaching moves, and both team's point guards acting as the leaders they can be. Even if the current and future MJ's of our time average 50 a game for the rest of the playoffs, it won't matter. That's not how you reach the Golden Summit (Yes, I just used "Golden Summit" as an analogy for the Finals. Deal with it. I like it.).

If Kobe's Lakers are going to utilize home-court advantage and take this 2-2 series, Lamar Odom's going to have to step it up, dawg. You can't just score 7.5 points a game against Denver. They aren't the Clippers. Also, learn to box out. CHRIS ANDERSON SHOULDN'T HAVE MORE UPS THAN YOU. As someone who watched last night's humiliation, I can safely say the only thing more embarrassing to watch than Anderson jamming home the tip-in on a missed shot was his lamer version of TO's eagle routine, shouting a "wooooot" bird call to Denver's lame bird-loving fans as he ran backcourt. That, to me, was the epitomy of the bench differential. Denver's reserves are whooping Los Angeles'. Where's the depth? James Posey was a HUGE reason the Celtics won it all last year. At least their bench showed up.

Continue reading "Kobe and LeBron facing similar dilemmas"

With just one month left in his prison sentence, Michael Vick must endure his last thirty days under house arrest. We know what that means: tons and tons of tv watching. Here are the Top 10 tv shows Vick is most likely to watch:

10) "Dog Bounty Hunter."

9) "Joe Millionaire." Maybe Vick could go on a dating show in order to help pay back his debt. Wasn't that Joe also a construction worker?

8) "Eastbound & Down."

7) "The Dog Whisperer." You must learn how to talk to them.

6) "Extreme Home Makeover."

5) "Intervention."

4) "From G's to Gents."

3) Whatever's playing on "Friday Night Fights."

2) "Prison Break." If it's the series finale (did that actually finally happen?), just DVR it and play it over. And over. And over.

Continue reading "Top 10 TV Shows Michael Vick's most likely to watch"

When Mark Cuban told Lydia Moore that her son, the Nuggets' Kenyon Martin, was a "thug" after Game 3 of the Nuggets-Mavs series, he crossed a line. I thought I'd point out the Top 10 Things he MEANT TO SAY to Ms. Moore:

10) "I know he's not a thug. No real thug would ever get sponsorship from K-Mart."

9) "I meant to say, 'Your son's a cool dude,' not, 'Your son included.' Had some margaritas during the game. Slurred my words."

8) "THUG is an acronym. It stands for Totally Hip Underestimated Gamer."

7) "I want Kenyon to be in my new show, 'Thuggin' It,' about a group of NBA players cleaning up run-down neighborhoods."

6) "I was trying to reward you! Every thug-mama received a free chalupa that night."

Continue reading "Top 10 Things Mark Cuban MEANT TO SAY to K-Mart's mom"

Steroids has officially gone postal.

The list of all-star players who have been revealed to be using steroids: Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro, Andy Pettitte, Jason Giambi, Miguel Tejada, Alex Rodriguez, now.......MANNY RAMIREZ.

It makes sense when you think about it. The baggy uniform. The dreads to cover up his huge head (they all have huge heads). How he erupted last year when he was with the Red Sox and practically mauled a team assistant. How he always used to spend time in the Green Monster and no one would question what he was doing. This brings us to my theory.

My theory of why Manny started juicing is because upon signing with the Sox, at his press conference, he swore to the front office, the media, and the Fenway Faithful that he was going to BEAT THE YANKEES. I'm sure he woke up the next morning, in an empty Boston apartment full of scattered Tecates, and uttered..."What happened last night?" It's like when you're drunk and you get carried away, you end up doing something you regret. Either you make a bad dance move, throw the ping pong ball into some girl's boobs at beer pong, or in Manny's case, make a promise to beat the most bad-ass dynasty in baseball at the time. Oops.

Continue reading "Manny being Manny: The Latest twist in the Steroid Saga"

If Kobe Bryant expects to win a championship this June, he needs to trust his teammates more. If he doesn't, the Lakers will not only struggle to win the Finals, they may have trouble even getting there. Last night's loss to the Houston Rockets, putting them down 1-0 in the series, is to me, enough cause for concern. Phil Jackson needs to sit down Kobe and tell him the same thing he told Jordan: trust your teammates more.

The Lakers have problems whenever Kobe takes too many shots. Last night Kobe took 31. His selfish side came out and Kobe got greedy, as he had as many assists as Pau Gasol last night: 4. That's also the same number as the amount of shots Sasha Vujacic, LA's self-proclaimed "3-Point Machine," took. If you're 2-17 from 3-point land, and that's a huge reason you're losing late in the game, why not toss the ball to your best three-point man? Kobe, be like Mike, and pass the ball more. Have more trust in your teammates late in the game.

Continue reading "Memo to Kobe: Be like Mike"

Say Swine Flu keeps spreading. Say it gets worse, like "Outbreak" worse, and the majority of people in the US get it, including LeBron James. I still don't think I could beat him one-on-one. Even if it was first to score. Or if we played "PIG." Remember when Jordan had the flu in the '88 playoffs, and he dropped 47 against the Knicks, AT the Garden??? We spectators/bloggers/sports fans seriously over-estimate the flu. If LeBron had swine flu, not only would he stuff me like a Quizno's Torpedo, he would still be able to beat the following athletes/teams:

-the entire Washington Wizards' starting lineup

-Charles Barkley

-Ricky Hatton

-Obama (with all due respect, Mr. President)

I would pay good money to see LeBron with the swine flu vs. Kobe with the swine flu. However, I believe LeBron would win that matchup, due to Kobe's closer proximity to Mexico. He'd have a stronger case, and it'd slow him down. Maybe fewer three attempts.

Continue reading "LeBron could beat me with Swine Flu"

Alex "A-Roid" Rodriguez has to be one of the dumbest athletes in modern sports. He's getting paid $33 million per year, as part of a 52-year contract, so he's set for life. Yet he resorts to using steroids. Why? He clearly has it all. He's already on pace to break Bonds' home-run "record." Besides that, he's known as the best offensive hitter in the game, when healthy. The staff and myself racked our brains over why the slugger feels he needed the extra edge. Having been stumped, we came up with 10 reasons why he doesn't need steroids, in hopes of convincing the vain ballplayer to lay off the juice.

The Top 10 Reasons why A-Roid doesn't need steroids:

10) Who wants b***h t**s? Furthermore, who wants to be called "B***h T**s" by your teammates? That's gotta make you feel like Cartman.

Continue reading "Top 10 Reasons why Alex "A-Roid" Rodriguez doesn't need steroids"