I'm a Kobe fan. Huge Kobe fan. He's practically my generation's MJ. Nothing against MJ, I just never saw him play much. I went to the United Center once, when I was seven, and all I remember is Scottie Pippen's crew-cut and cotton candy. Also, I'm from D.C., so the fact that MJ ruined the entire development and chemistry of an up-and-coming Washington Wizards team, just so he could milk a little more limelight, doesn't really sit well.

Having lived in the LA area now for two years, I've become a Kobe fan. Which is why I'm genuinely worried for the Lakers, should they play LeBron's Cavaliers in this year's NBA Finals. I'm worried for three reasons: 

1) Defense. Having witnessed the Boston Celtics' utter demolition of the Lakers last June, first-hand, in a crowded Georgetown bar amongst rabid Boston Masshole fans yelling while chugging beer (I didn't even think that was possible), I've watched Kobe's squad carefully all year for any signs of an improving defense. I didn't see much worth noting, other than the fact Ariza was sorely missed. If Bynum's back to full strength, that's one thing, but I highly doubt he is. Let's check some stats: at year's end, LA was giving up 100 points per game on average to its opponents. Through its first four games with Utah in the playoffs, the Lakers are allowing the Jazz 98 points a game. LeBron, in comparison, led his Cavs to a first-round sweep of the Shadowy Pistons, including holding them to a pathetic 78 a game. A twenty-point-differential? Don't the playoffs get harder as you progress? I realize the Jazz are tougher than Detroit, and way more physical, but don't be fooled if you think Roy/Aldridge/Blake, or Artest/Yao/Brooks, whoever Kobe faces next, won't be a tougher challenge. Especially if it's vs. Portland, on the road, where the Rose Garden owns Los Angeles.

Continue reading "Why Lakers fans should worry about facing LeBron in the NBA Finals"

"There's no analysis here...what happened?!" - ESPN's Steve Levy, 4/27/09

The New Orleans hornets suffered the all-time-tying worst playoff loss in NBA history yesterday, getting stomped on 121-63 by the Denver Nuggets. Don't wet yourselves, Nuggets fans. The Hornets just played THAT BAD. Here are the Top 10 Reasons why they shouldn't bother showing up for Game 5:

10) Jackie Moon from the Tropics just called - he guarantees they'll lose by 80 points or more, PLUS he'll fight a bear afterwards. That's entertainment. 

9) Peja's been getting with one of the Hornets cheerleaders for some time now, and they've already got Rockies tickets that night. Behind the dugout - Peja's cool with Tulowitzki.

8) TNT would rather air "Sex and the City" and "The Closer," back-to-back, twice. 

Continue reading "Top 10 Reasons the New Orleans Hornets shouldn't bother playing Game 5"

As I watched Jacoby Ellsbury steal home against the Yankees Sunday night, I thought to myself: "This pretty much sums it up." An aging Andy Pettitte forgets to deliver from the stretch, letting a youthful Ellsbury elude another future Bingo regular, Jorge Posada's, tag at the plate. Would Justin Masterson have made the same error? The two ballclubs could not be headed in more opposite directions. Every year, the Red Sox seem to call up another hyped prospect, while the Yanks continue to overpay for limited talent, and shun their farm system.

Maybe right now the Yankees have more confidence in CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett. Fair enough. But who's to say once Phil Hughes is called up, and stays up, that he won't become the next Justin Masterson? Forget projections, let's go with the facts. What are the Yanks spending so much money to protect? A championship? Pennant? Division title? How about NONE OF THE THREE. Since sliding into mediocrity, Cashman and Steinbrenner have turned a blind eye at their one and only escape route.

Continue reading "Red Sox continue to steal away Yanks' future"

Alex "A-Roid" Rodriguez has to be one of the dumbest athletes in modern sports. He's getting paid $33 million per year, as part of a 52-year contract, so he's set for life. Yet he resorts to using steroids. Why? He clearly has it all. He's already on pace to break Bonds' home-run "record." Besides that, he's known as the best offensive hitter in the game, when healthy. The staff and myself racked our brains over why the slugger feels he needed the extra edge. Having been stumped, we came up with 10 reasons why he doesn't need steroids, in hopes of convincing the vain ballplayer to lay off the juice.

The Top 10 Reasons why A-Roid doesn't need steroids:

10) Who wants b***h t**s? Furthermore, who wants to be called "B***h T**s" by your teammates? That's gotta make you feel like Cartman.

Continue reading "Top 10 Reasons why Alex "A-Roid" Rodriguez doesn't need steroids"