Top 10 Reasons the New Orleans Hornets shouldn't bother playing Game 5

"There's no analysis here...what happened?!" - ESPN's Steve Levy, 4/27/09

The New Orleans hornets suffered the all-time-tying worst playoff loss in NBA history yesterday, getting stomped on 121-63 by the Denver Nuggets. Don't wet yourselves, Nuggets fans. The Hornets just played THAT BAD. Here are the Top 10 Reasons why they shouldn't bother showing up for Game 5:

10) Jackie Moon from the Tropics just called - he guarantees they'll lose by 80 points or more, PLUS he'll fight a bear afterwards. That's entertainment. 

9) Peja's been getting with one of the Hornets cheerleaders for some time now, and they've already got Rockies tickets that night. Behind the dugout - Peja's cool with Tulowitzki.

8) TNT would rather air "Sex and the City" and "The Closer," back-to-back, twice. 

7) FEMA would have to attend. Just in case.

6) Desperate, Chris Paul will drop a triple-dub, but he'll end up doing too many over-the-back reverse lay-ups, and odds are he'll eat it or get clocked one of those times.

5) Harry Connick, Jr. wants to dress.

4) Nuggets staff will serve shrimp in the stands in order to entice Hornets fans into staying through the end of another blowout. An angry, drunk Hornets fan will probably toss shrimp on the court...things could get out of hand. It'd be like Artest at the Palace all over again...except with shrimp. 

3) Chris Paul's already entered into "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me out of Here!"

2) Chauncey Billups paid 'Sheed a hundred bucks to yell "Jackass!" every time David West touches the ball. 

1) Chris Paul's college buddies from Wake are flying into New Orleans for pre-Cinco-de-Mayo festivities.